Shame is an emotion that is part of all of us. It is part of certain aspects of our life, different situations, or moments. Leaving aside the so-called “healthy shame”, that serves as a filter for how to express ourselves, so as not to violate ethically accepted norms of behavior, not to sound vulgar, rude, and ugly, not to behave indecently, and so on, the thing we need to pay attention to and beware of is toxic fear. Fear that stops us from discovering our full potential by connecting with ourselves. The fear that prevents us from being our true selves, from being ourselves. In this article, we will talk about unhealthy shame and how to overcome it to reach the depths of our capabilities and develop our potential.
Before we talk about overcoming shame, let’s first discuss its emergence, because understanding shame is the key to overcoming it. Of course, there are many reasons why shame should arise in us. Here are some of the main ones.
Let us look into childhood first – shame often starts there. For example, when children are raised with the thought that the poverty in which they live is a bad and funny thing for others, they grow up with the thought of shame and fear that the world will mock them.
When children are taught that if they do not get the highest grade, they will bring shame to their parents, they start to think that they are stupid and unworthy of the words “well done”. When parents do not talk with their children on various life and social topics because they think the children are not old enough, usually this leads to a lack of development of social skills in the future. This pattern in itself begins to damage their self-esteem and normal communication skills. When children are often compared to their peers and told how they should take an example from them, look like them, they often consider themselves unworthy to be recognized. All these situations in childhood affect the personality’s proper development. Psychologist Darlene Lancer, known in the field of shame and low self-esteem, says that shame can even make us produce “false selves”. Usually, people, who fall into the trap of shame, driven there by the views of others, refrain from doing what they want and what they think is right. Instead, they live their lives according to the expectations of others. – in the early childhood of family, teachers, and more mature – friends, partner, boss, etc.
Another main reason for experiencing toxic shame may be a lack of
self-confidence and adequate personal assessment. Тhat is the shame that comes from within us and not from the outside world, as mentioned above. Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence send signals to the brain, that subconsciously tell us that if we are more anxious, it will protect us more. In this way, we close ourselves deep inside us.
There are many more reasons for the appearance of shame, but we have summarized the most common of them. Shame is one of the personality traits that, if left unchecked, can damage your self-confidence and will always be an obstacle to showing the world who you are and what you can do. We will share some essential tips that you can use to overcome this problem.
First of all, of course, it is necessary to delve into the depths of yourself and find out where the shame in you originated and what is the reason for it. Because, as we have said, the most important thing is for a problem to be identified, fully understood, and accepted so that we can deal with it.
Secondly, it is essential to accept your imperfections and to accept them as your unique trait. It is not something to be ashamed of.
Maintaining the perfect image that you think the world wants to see is very tiring and impossible. Therefore, we must learn to accept ourselves as we are and show ourselves to the world without fear or shame.
In third place, we put the work with self-confidence. Never allow yourself to think that you are worthless, that you are less than others and the rest of the world because in this way we subconsciously begin to think that there is something wrong and insufficient in us that we must hide from the rest of the world. You are just as important and valuable as any other person on the planet.
So, if you manage to apply all these tips in your life, you will undoubtedly feel how you start to get rid of the heavy burden – shame, and how you begin to get closer to your true self.
Shame is the emotion that makes us hide from the world who we are because of the fear of being accidentally rejected in society, pointed at, or ridiculed. Shame wants us to be silent. Shame wants us to be invisible. Beat it! Reach out to your inner self. Accept yourself as you are. Be visible!